In Moab, Scott and I attempted once again to meet a patron who wouldn’t be opposed to a few smelly boys sleeping in his/her living room. Once again, we failed miserably, although we got closer than we have ever yet gotten- the cool Arches park ranger we became friends with considering letting us crash after a few drinks and some chatting, but ended up being worried about her paranoid roommate. No problem- after all, the exploitation of our new friends is simply a side mission. The primary goal is to be making new friends and having fun. Mission Accomplished!

That night, only somewhat dejected, we slept in a local high school parking lot. It was there that I was… attacked!

Three things to note in my semi-defense about this video. The first is that I consider it to be both hilarious and embarrassing, which makes it doubly hilarious. The second is that I really cannot believe these razor-sharp pain-mines look so small on camera. In person they were more the size of a fist or a small grapefruit.

The third is that I had a “dull ache” in my foot for several days after this happened. So the story to which I am sticking is that they were mildly poisonous. True or not, for the sake of my masculinity I’m going with it.

In the morning some school official came out and kicked us out of the parking lot, explaining in vague terms that people would be worried about some Columbine or molestation business with strange scary men sleeping so close to children. I should have threatened to sue for pain and suffering.