Look, this isn’t a big deal. It’s not something I am seriously freaked out by. But occasionally since childhood, when sitting on the can, a thought occurs: It sure would be awful if there were something down there, coming to get me.

It could be anything. Snakes. Spiders. “Knifebutt”. Really, I just don’t want anything malevolent back there.

So there we were in Moab, Utah, camp soap in hand, preparing to bathe in Ken’s Lake. We’ve had a great day, hiking around the Fiery Furnace at Arches National Park, and we’re going to hang out with some of the Park Rangers we’ve met. It’s turning out to be one of our more exciting days!

I need to use the public toilet. Looks nondescript, like every one we’ve been to lately- nice clean building with a composting toilet inside. We’re in Utah though, and these buildings aren’t ventilated, so it is HOT inside.

I sit down and do my thing. It’s quiet. Peaceful. There’s a “plop”, and it happens: Flies!! Tens of flies shoot out of the toilet, between my legs. Oh God! I’m not finished yet! I can hear them buzzing around beneath me!

Well, you can connect the dots. I had to sit there and finish while about 30 flies tried to find there way to the nearest exit. The displeasure was palpable. Thank God we were just about to jump in the lake.