How fresh are the fish in the Fish market in Tokyo? Well, let’s just say that right before processing, they are down but not out:

I started my trip by staying up the entire night before my 7:30am flight. This is a system I like to engage in called “abusing my body’s internal clock so that it forgets what Jet Lag means”. After a long night, I kissed Adrianna goodbye, made my way to the Metro, and practically the next thing I remember, I’m in San Francisco. Seriously, the flight from Portland to SF is spotty at best- I think I remember landing but definitely not taking off.

Once in San Fran, my missions were to get my next boarding ticket (went smoothly) and convert some real moeny into Yen. This did not go as smoothly. First, let me just say that I know that converting money at the airport is idiotic. I once spent 50 dollars on nachos and 2 Margaritas at the airport- I know that it’s the most expensive option. However, I didn’t know that I was going to be screwed QUITE as hard as I got screwed. So, after thinking about it for a while, and talking to my bank about using my card in Japan, I decided to undo the transaction and use ATMs once I got overseas.

The currency exchange people, having just screwed me out of a lot of money, did not like this. We then proceeded to go through a too-complicated exchange where they informed me that there were no refunds, I informed them that the purchase had a “return guarantee”, they informed me that this is possible but comes at a very different exchange rate, conveniently one that lets them keep the entire amount of money they made off of me, I noted that this doesn’t constitute a “return” so much as a completely separate transaction, and they tell me that’s the available deal. I say that I’ll think about it, and while I’m thinking I decide to tell them I’m going to file an FTC complaint and see if that broadens their minds.

Fortunately it didn’t come to that. The guy I was actually speaking to in person had called his supervisor again and secured a return. I’d give him a shout out, but he also told me to not use his company if I don’t want to lose an arm and a leg, so I think I’ll keep his identity a secret :D Quality guy.

After this little adventure, and a small wait, I was walking down the plane- past super high-tech chairs, high-tech chairs, roomy chairs, and finally to my section, the cattle car. I was on my way to Japan!

11 hours later:

I’m positive that one of the surest measures of life (dis)satisfaction has to be the amount of time one spends thinking about winning the lottery. Every day on my way home from work I pass a billboard advertising Powerball. And I have to say that my productivity in that grey cubicle is being severely impacted by plans for how best to dispose of 100 million dollars. (For the record- an airship would be a nice start)

The most pathetic part, if there even is one, is that I don’t even play! I’m way worse than the people who have one chance in a billion of being rich. I’m dreaming about money it isn’t even possible to win!

I can’t help but wondering if this would be so front and center on my mind if I had a few more hobbies!

Super awkward moment at Improv class last night. Let me set the stage: We are being taught by this really nice, knowledgeable, and funny guy named John*. John’s a medium-set blond guy with a shaved head. He’s a really helpful, positive personality who knows how to correct you without making you feel stupid, but also isn’t afraid to take a light dig at someone who needs to be taken down a peg.

There’s this other guy, Ryan*- very big, muscular dude, clearly an alpha personality. He is also a good guy but…. how shall I put this…. he doesn’t have spot-on comedic/social instincts. He’s one of those people who thinks he’s a bit funnier than he actually is (then again, glass houses….).

There’s a story about Ryan that sort of sums him up. When we start class John leads us through a few stretches to loosen us up. The first time we did this, John instructed us all to touch our toes, which he then proceeded to do. In fact he may have palmed the floor- very limber guy. Ryan then shouts out “Somebody told me if you can touch your toes it means you’re gay- hahahahaha.” Um. What?! It wasn’t appropriate, which would have been fine if it was funny, which it also was not.

So, last night we were getting ready to try this game where we throw out ideas to one another, and John cautioned that we should be careful to not be too offensive with our ideas (Apparently you’d be surprised what people come up with in the heat of the moment). One of my classmates sheepishly mentions, as an example of something offensive, a bad idea he had in a previous game where he asked his partner about his “gay marriage”. Ryan took this as an invitation to relive his own moment of homosexual glory, and shouted out “Yeah, remember how I said if you can touch your toes it means you’re gay?” I think he might have even had to say this twice to make it heard over the other conversations going on.

John deadpans: “Yeah, well, that didn’t offend me though, because I am gay!”

Several people laugh.

“That wasn’t a joke.”

Awkward. Silence.

Oh Jesus. Ryan, why did you have to take us down this road?

I must say though- the reason Ryan brought this little story up again was clearly because he remembered it as a bad choice. To my mind, that’s better than nothing- some people like that, you get the impression that they have no idea when a joke falls flat. Perhaps his normal social circle will laugh at anything with the word gay in it, but as long as he’s paying attention to negative feedback then his instincts will improve. Hard to hold a mistake against someone who is trying to get better.

For the record, my hands are far from clean. Right after this whole exchange I inserted into a story an element about a passive-aggressive Grandma electrocuting herself in the bathtub with a toaster. Hilarious! Oh, If I could turn back time.

(*names changed so I don’t accidentally out somebody!)

Here’s a post I found in the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist (which, as you might expect, is a bizarre and stupid political screamfest wasteland):

Liberals - Be Thankful I’m a Jesus Freak

I know how Liberals and you R&R people HATE Christians. Just be Thankful I believe in God, and believe I will have to answer to God for what I do.
Because IF NOT, I would kill all of you pathetic Liberals Scum.

Hahaha! Love thy neighbor just enough to not murder that pathetic sonnuvabitch!

I hesitate to make a point about the ridiculous person who posted this, but isn’t it strange that for some people, it’s really about the punishment/reward part of religion? Rather than the message itself? “Well, Jesus, that whole universal brotherhood and understanding shit is idiotic, but if you’re sending me to Heaven I suppose I can go through the motions.” Talk about the letter of the law. It’s like he obeys the word of Christ grudgingly!

The primary thing I don’t get about this flavor of Christianity is: you can divide the whole Jesus thing up into 2 claims. First, that he was the Son of God who may or may not smite thine ass with his incredible magic powers. And second, that he had a perfect philosophy of peace which could lead the world into a golden age if we would only accept it into our hearts. If you’re forced to pick one, if only one of those statements is credible, who on Earth would pick the first? How could anyone possibly think that, yeah, the water to wine and the raising from the dead and the walking on water- all THAT stuff is true and super important. But the business about turning the other cheek? That’s not serious- we only listen to that cause of the scary magic powers.

Man, that really didn’t warrant a response at all. Obviously this guy doesn’t represent religious people in general. I’d still love to talk to him and get inside his head though.

There will come a day, and that day seems to be rapidly approaching, when I will bid farewell to the hair on the top of my head. (Incidentally, the hair on the other 95% of my body doesn’t seem to be going anywhere). I confidently intend to rip the band-aid off all at once with the assistance of a safety razor when the time is right. Yet the possession of a plan should not yet be seen as a sign of comfortable acceptance of the inevitable.

All the jokes I’ve made about comb-overs and toupees have come back to bite me as I realize that, as one’s body changes in ways that are permanent, obvious and out of control, there is a very palpable loss of identity. Physically, I’m becoming a new person, but I liked the old one just fine. I now find myself sympathizing much more with those men who will go to absurd lengths to look like they still have hair, even if they look far more foolish than if they had just let themselves be swept along by the tide.

There was a time when I decided the right way to act regarding this issue was to take a pill. Now I’ve decided to take the money I would have spent on pills and devote it to something more worthwhile. This condition should be taken not as a problem to be solved but rather as a lesson in one life’s universals- impermanence. Nothing lasts forever, even FANTASTIC hair.

I am so thankful that I get along with my family. I honestly enjoy the company of every one of them, and for the most part we all get along. When we see each other, there’s laughter and smiling.

Hanging out with other people’s families reminds me that things could be so much worse. Damn, that was awkward. How hard is it to put on a happy face when you see a relative after X months?

Just got off a Skype call with Scott and Caitlin. It was so good to see their faces! The internet connection they have almost ruins it, but not quite.

Everyone in the Universe should get Skype. It’s the next best thing to being there in person. Head and shoulders above the telephone, anyhow.

My roommate Desiree and I have been living together for about 4 months now. I have to say one of the greatest pleasures of living with her is that she hasn’t been exposed to nearly the amount of pop culture that I have. I introduced her to The Daily Show, which we now watch regularly. Yesterday we watched half of Pulp Fiction, which she hadn’t seen since it was released and didn’t really remember. We even went to the Battlestar Galactica showings at one of the local theaters here. She was kind of a doll for playing along with that one!

The other great pleasure is that she cooks food for me every once in a while. Today it was a big breakfast, which she broughtout to me while I was reading in the sun! Amazing- thanks Des!

Oh my god! I’ve just witnessed the most intense outburst of weather I’ve ever seen. It was just drizzling a little bit, and in the space of literally 1 second, it went from a few raindrops to the heaviest rain I’ve ever seen in my entire life. COMPLETELY instantaneous and without warning. Branches were being ripped off. I hear a car alarm ringing down the block. Thunder is clapping to the East. Portand’s known to be rainy, but THIS!

It was actually sort of exactly like this:

Political mudslinging is commonplace in every election that history has had a pen and paper to record. Mudslinging, however, is different from what we’re seeing with John McCain and the GOP. First, as put eloquently by Dr. James Zogby, even insinuating that Barack Obama is somehow less American, less trustworthy, or less in any way from you and I… purely because he’s an Arab or a Muslim is racist. It is no different from calling someone a nigger, nor is it from claiming the Jews were to blame for Germany’s economic woes in the mid 20th century. Racism is something that this country needs to feel great shame for and overcome in a positive way that reflects the respect that most Americans show toward people of other ethnicities.

If we can’t all appreciate intellectualism and elitism, can’t we at least get behind the idea that denying truths as apparent as “the sky is blue” doesn’t help anyone? Barack Obama is Christian and African American. Sorry folks, he is. As far as the elitism comments go, I heard a great point of which I can’t recall the source. It went something like this. “When we have extraordinary dangers facing us, who do we call in the military to deal with those threats? We call on elite groups of special forces soldiers.”

Why the hell can’t that same logic, which is supported by everyone, apply to picking the people that should lead our country? How is it possible that people actually think it’s better off to leave the really talented and smart people on the sidelines? Darwin would have loved that.

Dr. James Zogby says, “Enough is enough!”

Washington D.C. - October 11, 2008 -We are disturbed by the degree to which ‘Arab’ has become the metaphorical mud to sling against your opponent. This week, for example the Republican Jewish Coalition released a document in which they use the term Pro-Arab as a pejorative accusation. For his part, Rush Limbaugh has joined in by declaring that Obama is in fact an Arab American. Then, on Friday, after a supporter called Senator Barak Obama “an Arab”, Senator John McCain came to the defense of of his political opponent by saying, “No, ma’am. He’s a decent family man and citizen…” From this we are left to infer that an Arab man is less then a “decent family man.”

Dr. James Zogby, president of the Arab American Institute, says, “Enough is enough! From the beginning of this campaign there have been those who have used Muslim and Arab in an effort to smear Barak Obama. This exploitation of bigotry and the stoking of racist fires to forward an agenda is reprehensible. This is not only offensive to the Arab Americans, but to all Americans. As any ethnic group who has ever been used to scare the electorate knows, this is a dangerous game that tragically can ends with innocent people being hurt.

And while We are pleased to see that the senator is trying to dispel rumors about Senator Obama, but we feel the need to point out that Arab Americans are also decent men and women with the full rights of citizenship as enumerated under the constitution. Arab Americans are part of the great melting pot that is this country’s strength. We work towards peace in the Middle East along side our Jewish partners. We raise our sons and daughters to be model citizens of this nation. We serve this country with honor. The suggestion that any ethnic group is treacherous and Anti-American is unacceptable, dangerous, and unbecoming of such a great nation.